♚ After Dark

So here we are again, It’s been a while since I’ve met you in a place like this. A place where all I can see is you. You know this is your fault right? You said, “I know what’s best for you.” and so, I stupidly listened to you, because you know, maybe you did know right? Because I trust you, and i believe you have good judgement. So I buried it deep down inside, and hide it, even from myself. I covered it up with hurt and anger. But did you know that when a light shines that bright, anger and hurt are pretty quickly faded away. Your smile stabs through the pain like a prescription painkiller.Your touch dusts off the anger like a cool breeze tugs at the fuzz on a dandelion. My hurt and anger are like ice cream, and your existence is like…..the blazing sun in the middle of august.Because you are happiness, you are love, you are all that is good. You don’t represent pain, anger, or hurt, so how could i associate those feelings with you for more than a little while?Now, we’re in this prison, you, on the outside kicking yourself for closing the door, and me, stuck in the cell…..kicking you for closing the door, and we’re both holding each other through these bars, wishing they didn’t exist. It’s your fault. But it’s mine too. The funny thing about it is, neither of us cares whose fault it really is, or what could have been done differently…. we both only care about figuring out how to open this cage without blowing up this prison.

I haven’t been here in a long time. I find myself here, when I’m lost, restless, confused, uncertain, or as though I’ve reached some kind of checkpoint and I need to look back on things.I looked back on the last thing I wrote. It was so full of anger and hurt. Now, there is just sadness.I don’t know what to do from here. Do you know what it feels like to love someone this intensely?It’s like eating too much cake. It’s wonderful at first, and then, you’re just sick. And then, over here, there’s even more cake. I need to just, run away for a while. Too much thrown at me at once. And then you know, just, life. Sadly romance and real life are never the same thing. You have to deal with the two separately, and at the same time. It really sucks.So many things to say, about so many different things….it all just, wants to come out all at once.

Assuming, it can destroy lives.

I know i’m not perfect…. and neither are you.Who are you, to make my decisions for me!? It could have been….amazing….earth shattering…a love that stood the test of time, and suffering. It really could have. But now, it’s not, and it never will be, because you think you know me better than I know myself. You pushed me away, as hard as you could, for “my own good”. I haven’t really dealt with it, because i have a good thing and i’m happy here. But you, you destroyed me, you destroyed yourself, but the worst thing you did, was single handedly destroy us.I loved you, like I have loved no one else. Not so much that it was stronger but, different. Strong, proud, powerful, honest, innocent. Simply, love. And it really would have survived. But you decided it wasn’t going to make it, LONG before it even showed signs of illness. congratulations, on completely ruining one of the best things that has happened to either of us.

So, things are going well for us. It isn’t spectacular or magically amazing, we’ve done this all before. But it’s warm…comfortable, familiar, secure. A certain amount of predictability is good. It makes spontaneity that much more enjoyable. It’s a happy place. It’s a homey place. I enjoy being with you, as a companion, as a partner, as a friend, as a lover. You feel right, as though this is exactly where you’re supposed to be, without question. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize to you enough, for questioning your place in my life, so, all I can do is spend the remainder of it, making that up to you. I don’t know if our life will ever be what it once was, but, at the very least, we can try to make something new together. All that matters, is we’re together, and I love you, and you love me, and we are secure in our love for each other. Welcome Home.   

When you break up with someone, why can’t they stop being sexy? It’s like, taunting you to return, and makes you begin to forget WHY you broke up with them. So you go back to them, and, they’re sexy for a while. And then they start doing those THINGS again, that made their sexy not matter anymore to begin with. It’s a vicious cycle of evil!!!! >O

Otep - Fillthee (Real Lyrics)

song-lyrics-and-meanings:

Full song lyrics: Otep - Fillthee (Real Lyrics)

lying naked
- alone
on the bathroom floor
evacuating pain
fear … no MORE
- and I cant get his scent off of me
I.
she wants to be messiah
without the crucifixion
she wants to fuck delilah
without samsons intervention
she wants to be a deity
and rule us everyday
and punish the whores of your wi…

Full song lyrics: Otep - Fillthee (Real Lyrics)

artsavesallofme:

Submitted by horrorfreak1313.

This is beyond beautiful.